From One Bird to Another

Things here have been a steady mix of improving strengths and conquering demons. Small demons, like self-criticism, defeatist attitudes, and an uncanny ability to eat oneself silly when faced with emotional overload. Luckily, all of those bitter things are a taste familiar to my tongue, and I've learned to stare them down. Yup, its been a week, and a tough one at that. Tough in terms of resolve, but where I've let myself indulge in some respects, I've had iron will in other, far more important areas. Few words spoken out of line, and none spoken or written in areas where weakness might have me slip. Instead, my time these days is spent between coding tutorials, photography books, and the strings of my guitar. Actually, not my guitar - a guitar I've been babysitting for my mum's friend for a few years now. Its an old Yamaha, nothing overly impressive, but its got a sound that fits the echo of my heart these days, so I've left my guitar to sit lonely in the corner in exchange for unfamiliar strings. Metaphor? Perhaps. But there is little to be done about a changing of hands and the subtle twists a heart makes when it picks itself up from a bad fall.

Generally, I'm content.  It's a bit hollow - I still have trouble looking around my room, looking at my phone, catching myself remembering how close I came to something so damn good.  Feeling a little crazy sometimes, because of the way things worked out and the fact that there are only really a handful of people who know just how close we were.  And none as much as he and I.  Losing a best friend is the fuckin pits.  No matter how kind I am to myself, or how much I bury myself in time with friends/family or doing the things I love in my free time, there's still this second version of me, walking just a step or two behind, living a half-life in which things are what they could have been.  In time, that's bound to pass, I'm sure.  I just...wish.

Anyway, I've been recording myself singing and playing the guitar.  Sooner or later I put something up here...for now though its just good practice, and good reference to see how much my vocal habits have changed since show choir. 

Of course, I'm catching up on Dexter too. I was sucked in two years ago, but haven't seen much since. In the past week I've watched season 4 and really enjoyed it. Kudos to Michael C. Hall (LOVED him in Six Feet Under as well) and John Lithgow (yea, I totally watched 3rd Rock from the Sun) for playing off of each other so well, and being incredible actors overall.

As always, there's a song to my day. Today (a rather momentous day in my small world of baby steps that lead to standing apart from a dream that's been dear to my heart for longer than I care to admit), I find myself drawn yet again to the hauntingly simple and sweet stylings of Geri X, an artist from the Tampa Bay area. For its lyrics, gentle guitar accompaniment, and subtle soul, I give you Seven of Spades by Geri X.

And once that's said and done, the follow up is Paint Yourself Crazy, also by Geri X.